how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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