this beer tastes like vomit already
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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