Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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