you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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