So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
