I hate your face
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I want her autograph on my taint
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
