I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
