Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
vagina is talking i cant
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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