ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
