my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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