They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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