Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
