Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
