He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
