she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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