In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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