I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
