Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
