apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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