just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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