I wannas sexs uuuuu
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
