Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
