just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize