She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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