# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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