i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
