Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
