i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
