My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
