No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What a dumb baby whore.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
