im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
