First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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