I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
