He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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