I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
