This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
