dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
