You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is wine microwaveable?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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