Pregnant stripper...not hot.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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