i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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