Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
