He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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