I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
