She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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