jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
