First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
