No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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