Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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