I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
