HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
