my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
