Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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