I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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