can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
