i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
