i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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