do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
