even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
