nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
