Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
