at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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