I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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