Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
