I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
