Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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