The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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