Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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