WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
