There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
