The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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