Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
