Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
