I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
