You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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