I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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