Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
