i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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