There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
