everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
