Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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