I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
