I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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