i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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