You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I smell stomach acid.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
