We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
