i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
