He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
