3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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