he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I currently don't understand fingers.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
